Resilient military families: Challenges and opportunities presented by the Zeitenwende – Germany’s historic geo-political shift

Current developments

Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine in February 2022, in violation of international law, abruptly changed the global security situation. Since then there have been daily reports about refugees, casualties, destruction, military offensives and the importance of arms supplies. The accompanying footage is hard to watch, even for adults. On the other hand, we seem to have become accustomed to the proximity of war and only really react emotionally to the superlatives of horror.

For the Bundeswehr, this means a renewed focus on its core mission of providing national and collective defense – and new challenges for military families. For example, within the framework of NATO’s NRF (NATO Response Force) and VJTF (Very High Readiness Joint Task Force), soldiers must be ready to deploy at very short notice (between 48 and 72 hours) if defense becomes necessary. What has always been the case for special forces is now becoming a reality for many more. In 2023 alone, almost 17,000 soldiers and their partners, children and families will need to be ready to fulfil this mission immediately in the event of an emergency.^[1] For an effective support and prevention, we have to ask ourselves once more what this change might mean for relationships, but also for the physical and mental health of soldiers and their families. Worries and anxieties will not be alleviated in the long term if they are suppressed and kept quiet, not even if those affected simply try to play them down. After all, many children and teenagers come into contact, for example in day-care centers and schools, with refugee children who have experienced terrible things. Apart from that, children are exposed to images and reports from war zones in the media all the time, but unlike adults they are much less able to block them out. Now soldiers too need to address the question of how much attention they should pay to their families’ fears and concerns about their own deployment scenarios or a possible “cold start” with very little preparation. So for which issues do they already need appropriate support from the Bundeswehr’s network of psychosocial services, in particular the military chaplaincy, Lebenskundlicher Unterricht (character guidance training), social services/counselling or family support facilities?^[2] What support do those need who have to bear the consequences of Germany’s Zeitenwende from back home? This includes not only the families of those on active service but also those of reservists or civilian employees.

Family resilience – sources of strength in challenging times

Family resilience needs to be considered from two perspectives: fostering the resilience of the family itself as a unit (family resilience) and of individual family members (individual resilience). They are reciprocally dependent on each other. From a preventive point of view, three basic pillars are essential for family resilience:

• Firstly, the couple’s dependable commitment to each other and the resulting conviction that they can find meaning together in the face of challenges. This conviction is underpinned by shared values, such as faith and spirituality, but also by the experience that it is easier to deal with problems and upheavals together.
• Secondly, there is this bond through reliable organizational patterns as a couple and family, as well as the flexibility to change and adapt these when necessary. Activating and maintaining social resources plays an important supporting role in this regard. This includes nurturing friendships and supportive contact with relatives.
• Thirdly, successful communication and the ability to solve problems together are also key family processes. To achieve these, it is essential for the partners to gain mutual clarity through regularly sharing fears and anxieties on the one hand, and hopes and expectations on the other.

Constructively articulating fears and expectations is key to building family resilience

Constructively articulating fears and expectations is therefore key to building family resilience. In addition to providing fundamental reassurance, it is therefore essential to take appropriate steps together in order to minimize the burdens or at least mutually recognize them and implement solutions. This requires taking responsibility for oneself and others and also being a role model, especially for children.^[3] For partnerships and families, fostering resilience therefore means creating space for one another so that feelings can be expressed – again and again – in a secure way.

In addition to the pillars already mentioned, the key factors that strengthen the resilience of military families in particular include other aspects that will be discussed in more detail below. These include planning and spending time together in a constructive and attentive way^[4] (1), maintaining a constant dialogue – even over long distances and times (2), actively conveying a sense of mutual dependability – not just presupposing it (3), and repeatedly clarifying for each other the meaningfulness and comprehensibility of the challenges facing the (military) profession that are important to the family (4). Given the challenging conditions and demands that soldiers face as a profession, these aspects can otherwise develop their own negative dynamic, increasing vulnerability and explicitly weakening family resilience. For example, frequent absences for service reasons (e.g. for exercises, training and deployments) can interfere with the elementary need to spend time together in one place. The same applies to commuting and the time spent travelling by road or rail. Permanently restricted communication, for example during deployments, sea voyages or special exercises, puts a long-term strain on the important exchange and networking within the partnership and family.^[5] On the other hand, when individual members can count on each other in difficult times, whether together or in separate locations, challenges and crises can be better overcome. This not only strengthens family resilience and thus the quality of the relationship, but also makes each individual more resilient.

An important aspect of families’ resilience skills is learning to shape what can be changed and to accept what cannot be changed

The importance of parents and other caregivers from the social environment as role models should not be underestimated in building individual resilience in children and teenagers. The way they deal with difficult situations and issues provides adolescents with crucial guidance and strategies for action. Through their behavior, adults can help children and teenagers to adopt positive patterns of behavior and strengthen their own abilities. For instance, to take a seemingly banal example, the mere fact that things do not always go according to plan helps them to learn to cope better with setbacks. It can also prevent unrealistic perfectionism.^[6] After all, an important aspect of families’ resilience skills is learning to shape what can be changed and to accept what cannot be changed.

Theses aspects shall now be examined in more detail with regard to their significance for military families.

(1) Time together – for strong military families

Family relationships are strengthened by the time spent together in a constructive and caring way. Those who plan and spend time together in an appreciative way, engaging in action and interaction, develop a secure and positive bond. This includes helping one another and providing emotional support, especially in challenging times. For children, stable emotional relationships with supportive adults are fundamental in developing resilience. These may be their parents, or in their absence other reliable and close caregivers. Ideally, they feel safe, secure and loved within the family system, and are supported and encouraged in their actions.^[7]

Many servicemen and women have intermittent or regular long-distance relationships with their partners, families and friends. They may be deployed on operations, exercises and training, or their duty station may be in a different city from their social environment. In addition, they may be transferred to different locations, which may mean a new start and the loss of their local social environment. The window of opportunity for military families to spend time together at a shared place, where their lives are primarily centered, is therefore severely limited at many stages of their lives. For them, the desire for spontaneity often has to give way to long-term planning that provides support but leaves little room for unexpected developments. This makes it all the more important for military families to set aside time for the partnership and family, and to find creative means to connect with each other in a variety of ways. To create opportunities for togetherness and to use the time available as quality time, it is necessary to utilize all available resources. Every conscious moment spent together is valuable (including via digital media); even brief interactions and gestures help to strengthen family bonds and promote the well-being of individual family members.^[8] For children's and young people's resilience in particular, it is important that the frequently absent parent spends exclusive, attentive and, if possible, individual time with them. This gives adolescents the reliable opportunity to talk to their fathers or mothers, for example about events and the feelings they arouse, but also without an immediate reason. Ideally, there should be a ritual as to how and where these moments can be shared. Joint activities also help to rebuild intimacy and to reconnect after difficult events or long periods of absence. For infants up to primary school age, it is important to sense their parents’ closeness through sensory impressions as well as feelings, such as gestures and facial expressions. Older children and especially adolescents spend much of their time outside the family. Nevertheless, most of them want to also spend time together as a family. If circumstances sometimes make it impossible to have enough time for each family member, creating perspectives and making joint plans for the future, such as planning the next long weekend, a holiday together and foreseeable joint activities, contributes significantly to stable family resilience.^[9]

(2) Maintaining dialogue – building trust, resolving conflicts

A strong foundation is created when family members communicate honestly with one another. In this atmosphere, joys should be shared, but negative thoughts, feelings and problems can and must also be addressed. Dealing with them openly promotes mutual understanding within the family. It paves the way for the development of joint strategies for coping with challenging situations and supports the capability to take action. This is particularly important when children have to justify their parents’ profession or deal with negative statements about the Bundeswehr and its tasks. In order to enter into and maintain a dialogue as a military family, the content of the dialogue must also be considered: What topics are we actually talking about together? Are we as a family able to talk about unpleasant or difficult issues? And how can we create a relaxed framework for doing this?

As military families face special and sometimes new threats, it takes courage to learn to put these emotions into words and identify their own feelings about them

As military families face special and sometimes new threats, (climate-related) political and social challenges, alongside with personal and family pressures, it takes courage to learn to put these emotions into words and identify their own feelings about them. This is how children and teenagers learn: “It’s important and enriching to talk about what’s bothering me – and I’m allowed to!” While teenagers in particular may not always want to talk to their parents for a variety of reasons, it is still important for caregivers to signal their willingness to talk in an unobtrusive way and to be alert to opportunities: “If you want to have a chat, I’m here for you!”^[10]

It is not always easy to find the right words to talk about conflictual or value-laden issues as a couple, and also with children. Children and teenagers in military families sometimes ask very searching questions about possible threats, the rationale behind military missions (and not just since the withdrawal from Afghanistan), personal readiness to make sacrifices, but also about possible dangers (“What might happen to you?”). Parents and partners should be able to provide information, at least about their own position. Therefore, it is still very important that children in military families are given space to express their feelings, questions and fears about the war (in Ukraine) and other conflicts. Even after such a prolonged period of conflict, their concerns need to be taken seriously and their questions answered as best as possible. But we must also accept that there are moments and events that can leave us – adults and children alike – speechless or numb in the face of senseless suffering. Recognizing and accepting one’s limits is also an important aspect of family resilience.^[11]

Excursus: Possible fears and threats to military families
Three categories of fear to which military families may be particularly exposed due to the nature of the soldier’s job are briefly outlined here. Firstly, there are physical threats, such as the fear of death or injury. Current events or the daily news in the media can heighten these fears enormously.^[12] The Bundeswehr’s new focus on collective and national defense will require a candid discussion about possible scenarios and the necessary support for military families. Closely related to this is a second category of possible fears: mental (psychological) threats. These include, for example, the fear of personality changes, moral injury or possible traumatization, but also the fear of burnout and the worry of falling ill as a result of experiences that are difficult to cope with, for example during deployments or similar missions.^[13] A third major category should not go unmentioned: social threats.Typical of these are fears of negative impacts on the partnership, family or friends, and the general fear of the effects of prolonged separation.^[14] The challenges and stresses of a long-term or regularly long-distance relationship are particularly worth mentioning here.^[15] Of course, these three categories overlap in terms of their content and impact. And all the fears affect both the soldiers and their relatives at home in different ways – as well as those who support them in the Bundeswehr’s Psychosocial Network. They too have families (of origin), relationships and important people who are irreplaceable for a healthy social life.^[16] Children often experience and cope with the aforementioned challenges in different ways, depending on their age and life situation. Their emotions, reactions, behavior and fear of loss are not the same as those of adults. They therefore need preventive and accompanying support that is tailored to their needs.

(3) Dependability – building self-confidence and self-efficacy

One aspect of family resilience for military families is dependability. Couples, children and teenagers who can trust in the unconditional support provided by their respective partners, parents or caregivers can build their self-confidence and self-efficacy. They learn that their needs are taken seriously.^[17] Couples, children and teenagers from military families experience dependability, for example in long-distance relationships, when the absent person and the family members at home regularly demonstrate that they are connected and keep in touch as best they can, despite the distance, in everyday life and in times of crisis.^[18] “Hold the fort for me while I’m away” is a commonly heard sentiment in this context. It is important, however, that the support and appreciation is always mutual.

(4) Meaningfulness and comprehensibility – basis for understanding and willingness to change

Understanding why and for what reason something happens or is endured (such as a transfer, deployment or exercise, but also the threat situation as a soldier) makes it easier to cope with the stress involved or to accept the unchangeable. Understanding the reasons for this helps both children and adults to constantly readjust their own attitudes. In the context of the Bundeswehr, this resilience factor relates to questions such as: Why am I a soldier? Why am I prepared to endure the challenges, burdens and deprivations that this profession entails? It is not easy for military families to keep finding new answers to these questions, but it is essential. It is also the only way they can continue to keep the social environment informed.^[19]

In conclusion, it is important to emphasize that far from being just a burden, the aforementioned aspects that are so important for the resilience of couples and military families also provide an excellent treasure trove of experience and valuable development potential on which relationships and personalities can grow.^[20]

How to successfully support military families

Soldiers make an important contribution to the security of our country. This contribution is increasingly perceived positively in the current global situation (coronavirus pandemic, war in Ukraine). In order to fulfil this mission – often throughout their professional lives – they take on many challenges, including for their partnership and family. Military families need to be able to cope with the many challenges of balancing family and service in order to remain stable and resilient as a couple and as a family in the long term. In order to strengthen their individual and, in particular, their family resilience, they need knowledge about and access to resources that are familiar with the specific demands of this profession.

Support from the Bundeswehr Psychosocial Network (PSN) can be helpful in this regard. In addition, a large number of organizations within and outside the Bundeswehr also offer special support and counselling services for soldiers and their families.^[21] However, their services need to be promoted much more actively, so that those affected do not have to seek help, but at best are already familiar with the services in phases when they are not yet under duress. In addition to the developments affecting the Bundeswehr itself, changes within families must also be taken into account in ensuring family resilience: these include the challenges posed by different family models, but also normative-biographical changes and crises during couples’ lives, which in the worst case are reflected in the divorce rates.^[22] Above all, however, the already mentioned uncertainties resulting from Germany’s Zeitenwende, its tectonic geopolitical shift, will bring new opportunities, but also questions, burdens, fears and worries for military families. Making and keeping them resilient can only succeed if support initiatives network, cooperate and make their skills and services known to the families.

Developing fundamental awareness of the vulnerability of the body and soul is intrinsic to the very nature of being a human and soldier

The Psychosocial Network, and in particular the military chaplaincy within it, has considerable preventive potential for strengthening the resilience of couples and families by offering – in addition to basic pastoral care in all life situations – formats for protected exchange which, through networking, strengthen social resources and promote a valuable sharing of experiences. Finally, diverse pastoral or religious, spiritual or even communal formats, especially in the case of intensive events such as family weekends, offer space for participants to express their joys, hopes, sorrows and anxieties (cf. Gaudium et spes 48). In this context, it is worth mentioning the collaboration that has existed for over twenty years between the Catholic Military Chaplaincy and the Center for Marriage and Family in Society (ZFG) at the Catholic University of Eichstätt-Ingolstadt.^[23] At the same time, in cooperation with experts from the PSN, it is important to support those soldiers who are highly stressed due to their inability to process experiences and images, and who have been directly or indirectly confronted with injuries, death, traumatization or the use of firearms. The Bundeswehr Psychotrauma Center in Berlin and the ASEM, an important ecumenical pastoral care project led by the Protestant Military Chaplaincy, are of outstanding importance in this regard. Developing fundamental awareness of the vulnerability of the body and soul is intrinsic to the very nature of being a human and soldier, and therefore also has its place in the character guidance training (“Lebenskundlicher Unterricht”, LKU) curriculum. This is where essential foundations for ensuring individual and family resilience can be strengthened.